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| Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006 | | 3:47 am |
my right foot
Second full day of living with my sprained foot...today's adventure: bathing. I actually thought it would be a lot more difficult than it was. The worst part was just waiting for someone to get home so that if I fell there would be someone to hear the thud. I have found the good thing about all of this though. Not being able to leave the house means not having to put on a bra. No more silky/lacy/whatever material jail for me. I'm free. However, there is still the issue that if no one is home I either have to eat standing where I throw my food in the kitchen, or go without. I haven't been able to work out a way to get food into the living room with me yet or drinks for that matter. Also, I currently have 3 cigarettes and no idea how i will get more. I may have to call my brother tomorrow and make him run some errands for me, or with me, but I don't think I am ready to use the crutches in front of an audience. I lost my balance earlier today and almost fell down the basement stairs. I don't need to fall for the folks at the gas station, although i may be willing to take my chances in the video store. Especially if Marty's working, he wouldn't care...although, he might text haley about it. I'm already starting to get the cabin fever. I always leave my house at least once a day and now i don't know when i will next get the chance. I mean, I don't really want to go out and crutch it around town, but i don't want to be stuck either. If I sit in here for days I feel as though my life will become a really boring version of Rear Window. My big story for the day will be that Foreign Guy across the way put real trash in his recycling bin. That bastard! I need to find a hobby. | | Thursday, April 27th, 2006 | | 4:57 am |
I got to get mine in a big black truck
The epitome of fat: Me sitting around in my chair, drinking Big K orange soda out of the 2 liter, and burping up Long John Silver’s. I’m feeling lovely. I feel like yesterday I was swimming around in a wonderful, free ocean and today I’m beached and hundreds of onlookers are just gawking at me. I need to lose weight. I’m not the fattest I have ever been, but how the fuck I ever lived through that, I do not know. I gained a lot of weight and lately I just feel like a peep in the microwave. It is peeps that get huge, right? I took new myspace pictures earlier in the hopes of feeling better through seeing it. I don’t know why I thought that would work. Reading it makes it seem silly now. I didn’t mind a lot of them, but some…fucking gross. I want to just grow old now so that I can get over myself. I think the fat thing is aiding a new depression. Well, the old depression just back with a vengeance. Today I was laying around in bed (which I really felt a loyalty with those bitches who didn’t want to get up anymore, so they just got too fat to get out of bed on their own) and I was thinking that it would be lovely to disappear. Not disappear like go away to a cabin (which has been a dream for a long time) but disappear like shrink away completely. Actually, I would more so like to become a wall. There I can stay and watch the lives of those I care about continue, but I wouldn’t have to think about my own life, for I would be an inanimate object. Do you think Montell Jordan gets depressed like this? I think it's something in the air/water/everything I eat, see, feel, and hear. I'll get past it. Friday night I am going to Newark for the 2nd part of Bobbi's birthday bonanza. We are going to the Draft House, which is a lovely bar located right off the square in beautiful Downtown Newark. The last time I was there, a man with no teeth started something with one of my friends and I don't really remember much about it except that the Kid Rock duet with Sheryl Crow was playing for the 4th time in a row and Rachel slapped the guy with no teeth. It was the pussiest slap ever, but made contact all the same. I'm simply glowing with all the possibilities. Although, Rachel still has a black eye from last weekends festivities. She ran into a wall...seriously. If only I had been that wall. See me linking the earlier statement with this one...I'm clever like that. But anyhow, the hoods been good to me, ever-y- since I was a lower case g. night. | | Wednesday, January 25th, 2006 | | 7:15 pm |
hair dresser on fire
So, a few minutes ago I was sitting around with Juliana and Megan and I lit a cigarette. Juliana then screams and I realize I am on fire. My hair went up in flames and it was the scariest thing I have ever seen. I'm fine, my hair is fine...I may need to cut some bangs. Man, I didn't know fear until I saw fire right in front of my face. I think I melted my eye lashes together. | | Tuesday, January 24th, 2006 | | 4:44 am |
tonight's hand-written journal entry
For some reason I believe that I live in the year 2004 and I have no idea how old I am. The crazy is knocking on my door again, but I will not have any "catch-up" lunches with that fucker. My family has a really weird bond with the country singer Linda Davis. My first concert ever was Reba McIntyre at the Ohio State Fair and Linda Davis was a guest Singer. They surprised you with her right after "Fancy". It was really a show-stopper. I think I was around 10 years old. A couple of years ago, my parents took my grandma to Opryland, where they saw a Linda Davis concert. Afterwards, my grandma met and had her picture taken with Ms. Davis and was fucking stoked, like super stoked! So, when my grandma died my parents put the picture of her with Linda up on the picture board that they have at funerals. I spent most of my time at calling hours explaining to people that the woman in the picture was not a member of our family, was definitely not my Uncle Billy's daughter, but was instead a woman that sang with Reba on the duet "Does He Love You?". I read a story in my Sarah Vowell book the other day and it made me want a mix tape pen pal badly. Someone that I can share feelings with but without having to find words and instead using my favorite songs. I think it would be rad and I would get a lot of new music out of it. Not to mention I would get to make a lot of mix tapes. Someone would remember that they secretly kind of liked that song by The Proclaimers in 1990. Have you ever met anyone that didn't know most of the words to "Bohemian Rhapsody"? Every now and then the drama geek inside of me makes me break out into musicals in my parents house...but only when no one is home. I do a mean Miss Saigon. | | Thursday, November 24th, 2005 | | 9:14 am |
As of Monday, I am now officially 24 years old. I don't feel older or look older...i just am and that my friends is the glory of nature. Saturday night i went out to Kahoots with my roommates and Ryan...the drag queen. He got us a table and paid for some rounds and we met Stacy...overall it was an excellent night. I think i might go back for lunch. We were all talking about making Kahoots a monthly spot, I'm all for this being that it might be the best place on earth. Fuck Disneyland...they don't serve food with titty. I lost my internet until I can pay the bill. I'll be doing that soon, but until then I bought a paper journal for all the things I am going to miss telling people about (not that i update journals, but i have a lot of daily conversations). So far I have talked about JFK and the bond Canada and I share based on importance. I'm excited for the future. Ok kids. I am off. | | Sunday, October 2nd, 2005 | | 8:39 pm |
Holy shit! It's an update!
I'm just sitting here bored and on the internet thinking about what i could possibly do and I thought "hey, I could update". I'm currently looking for a job, well waiting to hear about a job. I doubt i will get it now. It's sad, but I will move on by mid-week. I've felt kind of sick for the last couple days, but I think that has to do with my Friday night activities. It was a good night, lots of laughing, lots of tears, lots of Jodi and Nick, Thomas threw out some golden one-liners, got a little bit of Dan. The night was solid. I think I am going to start putting a lot more effort into my appearance. It makes me feel good to get all churched up. I'd also like to pull out some of the slut-wear just for fun. I'm excited about my winter wardrobe! I'm excited about winter in general. I love cold. Good things always seem to happen when it's cold out. It seems like happiness is in the air. I'm looking forward to it. It would be better if i had a job though. I would like to be able to go out and do things with money. I want to go to shows and maybe even go out and get real coffee. I also want to take cabs and get drunk in public...I have only done it now about 3 times. I think it would be fun and help me meet more people. I'm very chatty when drunk. I wish it was time for Christmas gallery hop. | | Monday, August 29th, 2005 | | 6:38 am |
So...here's a funny story
The other day Megan came downstairs with a very odd look on her face. It was directed at me and I wondered what had happened to Megan. She sat down and said "thanks a lot Julie for the interruption at 7:00 in the morning". I had no clue what she was talking about. Apparently, Megan had been wanking it on the morning in question when she was startled by a creak in her floorboards. She looked up to see me standing in her doorway, naked...I was sleepwalking. However, Megan did not know that I was sleepwalking and therefore tried very hard to cover up what she was doing. She then asked me what I was doing in her room and I said "I have to go to the bathroom". She informed me that is was the door behind me and I walked out. I remember none of this. Although now I do have a strong fear of my sleepwalking. I am afraid of walking out the front door, especially being that I sleep naked. My mom and my aunt believe that I should at least start wearing a shirt and I suppose I agree. That would just be fucking embarrassing and probably a little dangerous in my neighborhood. Anyhow, I am off to bed. Thank you for your time. Current Music: chantal kreviazuk - leaving on a jetplane | | Wednesday, January 19th, 2005 | | 3:55 am |
This journal has now been caught up to my ramblings from another journal I use. I don't think that sentence made sense but i also don't think i care. something just made a very loud noise in my house, which is scary because i am home alone. I must go investigate, being that i am that girl in the horror movie. | | Tuesday, January 4th, 2005 | | 3:53 am |
the last of the old
Someone has taken my name and email address in order to open an account on Yahoo. That's fun. They also, apparently, like to change the password frequently because I get emails saying the password has been changed. Unfortunately, these emails do not tell me what the new password is. I would go ahead and say this was an old account of mine that I just forgot about and the emails are just a mistake....but I have never opened an account with this name. I'm just a little pissy that someone in the world is pretending to be me. Should I even care about this? I dunno. Well, my time at Bearcreek (catalog call center for Harry and David) is over for this year. Here are some things that I went away with. Back fat should ALWAYS be covered in public. There might be a girl, like me, sitting behind you staring at it and thinking about it. It wasn't really an issue until she stood up and pulled her pants up and her shirt down but left the back fat out. It was just there... probably thinking "I'm cold and I jiggle, please cover me!". There was this boy there and one day I was walking past him and said "excuse me" to which he replied "DON'T HIT ME". I didn't, not because he told me not to, but because hitting just isn't a very nice thing to do especially to strangers. Then,. like 3 or 4 days later he came out to the smoking tent and on the way I saw him say it to someone else (which is good because it means that I don't necessarily look like a hitter). Then he sat down next to me and started to make the everyday small talk "Had a lot of calls today? I had this crazy person...blah blah blah....insert witty stranger banter here" . Well, then I asked "do you have a problem with getting hit?" his response "no, I mean uh, no one likes it, so I guess I have a problem in that area, but I don't get hit often" with a weird look to me like I was the crazy one. Although, I suppose if you go around telling people not to hit you, you don't get hit that often. Anyhow...I have lots more thoughts about the strangers I met at bearcreek....lots of notes written on my work papers and whatnot, but I'm tired. It's 6 in the morning...i haven't stayed up this late in a decade. Sleep becomes her. | | Friday, December 3rd, 2004 | | 3:52 am |
another old post
This is not happy: 2 weeks ago today my grandma passed away. I spent that Sunday (my birthday) at her calling hours. She had an amazingly beautiful catholic funeral, complete with an Irish father who recently came over from Dublin. His accent made it easier to not cry. I've spent the last couple weeks going through her stuff, because someone has to do it. She left me her barbie doll collection. It's big and I don't know what to do with it. I would have been in doll heaven when I was 10, but now...i just have a lot of barbies. Is it selfish to be upset because from now on my birthday will be remembered as the anniversary of grandma's death? I just wish I knew a way to help my mom. There doesn't really seem to be one right now. I dunno.... something almost kinda happy...at least kinda funny: the other night I had a dream about this guy. He lived next door to my parent's old house, which looked exactly the same, but his house was covered in glass panels. So I'm walking by his house and I wanted to get him to come outside and being that I am afraid of knocking on people's doors, I decided to start singing really loud as I walked past instead. So, he came outside and said "Julie, I knew it was you from that song!" and ran up and hugged me...now, remember that part, we will come back to it! Then he introduced me to his girlfriend, and I looked around and didn't see her but that was because i didn't look down. She was a midget or little person or whatever the pc term is. So we all went over to my parent's house and sat around the island in the kitchen and I kept telling Kevin McDonald from Kids in the Hall, that I could take this dude's girlfriend and of course Kevin McDonald was my girl-friend, and dressed up like a really ugly lady and saying "you absolutely could, girl". So anyway...what gets me about this entire dream is the fact that they say dreams are your subconcious. So, in the deepest thoughts in my mind, the song that I would sing to really define me as a person is Things that Make you go Hmmmm..... by C & C Music Factory. That's right...apparently C & C music factory is the music that really reaches in and touches my soul. | | Friday, October 29th, 2004 | | 3:50 am |
old journal post
My mom got out of the hospital today!! yay!!! She had her hip replaced on Tuesday. I have been spending all of my time there and now know the place like the back of my hand, but I am still stoked I don't have to go back there. She still won't be able to walk around for like a month. It's so sad to see your mom in so much pain, but in the end it should take away the pain she's been living with for years. Tomorrow I will take her books and movies. Tonight is Juliana's big halloween party and I still need to go buy shit for my costume. I guess I should go do that...but I'm lazy. I just want to go back to bed and get some serious sleep. Unfortunately, that is soooo not going to happen. Fuck all. | | Friday, October 22nd, 2004 | | 7:12 am |
I performed acts of devotion as if you were Ganesh....
The teeth are gone. I miss them. When they were still in my mouth I could chew, and I didn't have stitches. Also, I have big bruises under my chin that look like I have an abusive boyfriend waiting for me back home. Now, let me tell you the hell that i suffered in that fucking office. My biggest fear going in (aside from dying) was waking up in the middle of the removal. Well, not only did I wake up, but I woke up, saw nurses covered in blood, saw myself covered in blood, started having a panic attack, thought that my throat had been slashed or something....I mean, I was having a panic attack and I was pumped full of drugs...logic had no place....then i broke a nurse's hand. You see, they had to wake me up. My blood pressure went into the serious danger zone while I was under....and instead of letting me stay asleep and die, they took out the needle. Also, while asleep, I had been coughing "violently" and in doing so sprayed all the nurses with my mouth blood. Well, unfortunately, no one thought to say anything to me when I actually woke up, and therefore I assumed that no one knew I was awake. Well, I didn't think I was supposed to be, and I realized at that point that someone was holding my hand. I thought it was my doctor, but now that seems silly because he would've had to have been taking out my teeth with just one hand....but remember: panic attack and drugs...so I started squeezing this person's hand to let them know that I was awake. Well, I crushed the poor girl's hand and she had to get someone else to drive her home because she has a stick-shift. Anyhow...I had like 5 days of sucksville and now I'm almost back to solid food. Moving on....Today my crazy was officially validated. I cried a lot in the office. I cry over everything now...it's sad, but let's hope it goes away with medication. Jackie, my doctor (who I refer to by first name which people find weird, but she's my dude), had a student doctor in her office. This girl did my little interview to discuss my crazy. She seemed to be on the same page as me for a while...and she was nodding and totally getting my fear of everything, and my constant worrying and such...There was no weirdness at all until she asked the worst question ever..."So are there any little things that you tell yourself to make these things pass? What thoughts get you through your "episodes"?" I shook my head and said "um...I don't want to tell you...it's weird and stupid". Of course, her response was "no no, what is it?". So, I went into my explanation that I like to think of the human population as animals that have turned themselves into a civilization and people only do things because that's what they are supposed to in order to be accepted and everything I am afraid of doesn't really matter because in the end it's almost not real. In my mind, when I'm freaking out, it makes loads of sense....however, in the mind of the student doctor it was apparently absolutely insane. For about a minute she just stared at me. I stared back...I had nothing better to do....finally she slapped her hands on her thighs, exhaled deeply, and said "well......ok then". She left and came back with Jackie, who proceeded to ask me the same questions and when I told her my thoughts during my "episodes" she said "I totally understand what you mean". I love her. But then the student doctor kept asking me over and over if I ever had thoughts of hurting myself...and by the 3rd time I said no and she said "really? are you sure?" I decided that I hate her. Anyhow....I'm on a medication called Cymbalta or something and let's hope it helps. Ok, it is now 5:30 in the morning. I only slept 3 hours last night and the fact that I am not in bed now is just insane. | | Friday, October 15th, 2004 | | 7:57 am |
the tooth fairy might be my worst nightmare...
So tomorrow I go in to get my wisdom teeth pulled. I'm scared as hell. I didn't care much for the last couple of weeks, but now I am freaking the fuck out. It's the first time I will ever go under. I know it's stupid, but I'm afraid of dying. My friend Steve's ex-girlfriend died after getting her wisdom teeth pulled...so the fear is right there in my heart. To deal with my fear I did something kind of morbid. I wrote out directions for my funeral and letters to people in case i die. If I really do die, it will have been a good idea, and if i don't I will have a freak accident file in my drawer. I don't actually think I am going to die...it's a just in case kind of thing.... So, on to other things... I want the new interpol cd soooooo badly. I think I might ask my mom to buy it as a cheer me up gift. I mean, I can't smoke or eat for 4 days....I've got to have something, like a new cd. So, oddly enough, I think i can deal with the no solid food rule...I mean, mashed potatoes are one of my main food groups so that's not a big deal...but no smoking!!! FUCK ALL!!! The last time I tried to stop smoking for any amount of time was in like 1982 and it was just to get some breast milk and then I was off for another nice relaxing smoke. I also can't use straws....we all know that iced cappuccinos are only good out of a straw! ok, maybe we don't all know that, but I fucking do! They are taking away all of my favorite things for 4 days. If anyone needs someone dead around Monday, give me a call, I might be very willing to do it. ok, I have got to calm down and go to bed now. I'm just so fucking scared, and i know logically it's not a big deal, people get their teeth taken out all the time, and I will live to bitch about it tomorrow. Goodnight all. | | Thursday, May 20th, 2004 | | 4:28 am |
fat ass baby
 My mother always said that she never took naked baby pictures of her children, but she is a liar. Apparently, some things are constant and my ass was HUGE back then too. This picture makes me laugh. I am so fucking bored right now. I don't want to be inside. It's late, but it's still nice outside. Unfortunately, I seem to be the only one who feels this way, being that most of the people i know are sleeping. Fucking daytime lovin' bastards. Today is my cat's birthday. Costello is one year old. I'm pretty proud of myself for keeping something alive and healthy for an entire year. Yay me! sad me for giving my cat a birthday, but it doesn't seem fair that i should have one and she shouldn't. Although, there will be no party, I'm not that lame yet, but there's always next year. I have the milkshake song stuck in my head. It's not a good song, but it makes me smile. I've noticed that lots of people have these "meaningful" bullshit lyrics as their Aol IM info. It makes me feel lame for having anything written there at all. I don't know why I care. The pretentious cunt of a prof. that I mentioned in an earlier entry gave me a B+ on my paper. I guess she is less cuntish now, but you can still see specks of cunt gleaming in her eyes. I'm currently reading old written journals and I usually think everything i have ever written is stupid as hell, but this is funny. "when I die I would like my tombstone to read "check the puppet's teeth". I'm terrified of puppets. Also, if I am ever in a band, I would like it to be called "herpe's machine gun penis" or at least have an album of that name. I wish I had a tape recorder in my car for many reasons. I need to do a new animation video for camp soon. I'm doing the animation workshops this year and I had this rad video that i made last year, but I lost it. It's time to break out the play-doh and do some play-mation. Shit, I need a camera stand, let's hope they're cheap. Or maybe I can borrow Danielle's again. Ok, this is boring me, and i'm writing it. so yeah. | | Thursday, May 6th, 2004 | | 6:14 am |
I have had a horribly shitty day. I knew it was going to suck when I walked outside this morning to go to class. The air was sticky and gross. Mornings like that always remind me of elementary school field trips to the zoo. You get to school early on a sticky morning with your brown bag lunch, everyone rushes around you to make sure your name is on everything. You ride the bus for an hour, and someone always threw up half way there. You get there and have to wait for teachers to put you in groups and you can really only hope to be with your friends, and even then it's only your friends that have names that come close to yours alphabetically. An hour later, your still hoping to see that one thing at the fucking zoo that you wanted to but you most likely won't. By the middle of the day, you have your jacket tied around your waist, your feet hurt, your thirsty but you drank your juice box for lunch, and all you really want to do is go fucking home. Then there is the hour bus ride back and of course the kid that threw up earlier is obviously going to do it again because he/she is a puker and that is what they do. Yes, I was a huge fan of field trips. Anyhow...my class sucked. I ended up sleeping all day because i didn't last night. I'll be up bored and alone all fucking night. I don't think I have smiled at all today except maybe once when i was driving around for an hour venting to myself. I did, however, do some serious crying today. Man, tomorrow had better be FUCKING BETTER!!!! Luckily, I don't have class again until monday, so I can put the pretentious cunt that claims to be "teaching me" out of my fucking head. She actually sent me a letter telling me that i don't participate enough in class. I should write her one back that says "I would converse with you more in class, but I don't want your snobby stupidity to rub off on me in any way, shape, or form. So really, I am just constantly humming the theme to Sanford and Son in the hopes of blocking your conservative bullshit views on what is education out of my head and life in the hopes of forgetting that you and your high horse ever existed". I think we all know that i won't actually send that letter. I need a good grade. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!! Ok, now that i have vented a little more, I feel a little better. I'm going to take some of my codeine pills and hope for sleep now. Oh, one good thing, I did get tickets to see the magnetic fields in june and that makes me way happy. ok, night. | | Monday, April 26th, 2004 | | 2:13 am |
a question...
I am currently writing a paper on ADHD(attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) and whether children should or should not be medicated for it. Currently I am doing a smaller 5 page paper on it, but later I need to expand it to 10. Well, I was wondering what other people's stance on medication is. So, I thought I would ask people on here. Are you for or against medication for children with ADHD? and why? I don't even know if people read these things anymore, but I thought I would take a chance with the few of you that do. I would give my stance, but I don't want to sway any opinions. Anyhow, yeah...people should respond.... | | Sunday, March 14th, 2004 | | 3:10 am |
a death threat and naked old men....
Well tonight was interesting. Around 3 a.m. I made my way to the UDF because I needed gas. Well when I went in to prepay, the girl working the counter was having a very in-depth conversation with a gentleman about role playing games. She was apparently playing one at the time, and was waiting for her fellow game players to show up so that they could get really into it or something. Well, if you know me, then you know that I think role playing games and the people that play them are the funniest things ever! I cannot and will not keep a straight face around anyone discussing them in my presence. So, I laughed and they both shot me a look as to say “shut up or we will kill you vampire style”. Then, the man that she was talking to looked me up and down, and turned to her and said “I guess we’ll have to continue this conversation in a more private zone at another time”. Well, to make matters worse, I started to laugh again…he said “private zone” and I am a 13 year old boy on the inside. So, with a flip of his long black trench coat, he walked out. So I walk to the counter and I ask to put 4 bucks on pump whatever and I told her I needed a pack of camel special lights. Well she rings up the gas and the register started to beep. Then she tried to ring up the cigarettes and the register started beeping again. This is where it gets really funny/creepy as hell. She looks at me and then looks at the register, and then half looking at me and the register she says, “if it fucks up again, I’m going to stab you”. At this point I exchanged looks with the guy waiting behind me just to make sure that he heard it too, which he did. So then in a very soft voice I asked, “were you talking to me or the register?” to which she replied “um…(looking around)……the register”. I don’t believe her. Well later in the night I saw a man stranded with a smoking car, but apparently his wife had just shown up. She was a sight to behold. First she was wearing shorts…shorts with the ass pretty much missing. I could see her underwear line because I could see all of her underwear. However, she was wearing a lovely flannel jacket to try to cover it up. Her hair was long and gray, and it appeared to have drool in it, or some other dried liquid that made it look like straw on a part near her mouth. Did I mention that she was wearing a sports bra under the jacket? And she was NOT a thin lady! Well she smiled at her husband when she got out of her van with a tow truck thing attached to it, and I think she forgot to put her dentures in…anyhow, Her hubby got out of his smoking car and apparently forgot to pull his pants up. It was only a little noticeable to me because I was stopped right next to them. It wasn’t anything that really made me laugh….until they started pushing the car. That flabby old man ass was out in all it’s glory, and then the guy totally lost his pants!!!! It was horrifying and amazing, because he didn’t seem to care at all. At this point the light changed, and I started moving just in time, you see it was like a train wreck, I knew what was coming, I knew what was there, I just had to turn around, and I did just in time to catch a glimpse of old man penis!!! I almost wrecked, but the laugh I got from it was way worth it. | | Thursday, March 11th, 2004 | | 4:11 am |
gimme a U! U! gimme a P! P! okay stop yelling...
Well it's 6:30 in the morning and I just finished my last paper for this quarter. I would really like to pass out right now, but I have to leave for class in an hour and it seems pointless. I need to get back on a healthy sleep schedule so that I can start being a healthy person in general. I tried to get myself back on schedule last week, but I ended up staying up one night until 5 and the whole thing was fucked after that. I haven't seen my friends in forever. I feel like a bad person, but if it makes anyone feel better, i just haven't really been leaving my house. I am a shut-in. I need to not be, but with the sleep schedule I have been on, I am only awake when the rest of the world is asleep. It makes it kind of hard to do much of anything. I did go to a baby shower last weekend. It just ended up depressing the fuck out of me. Although, I did win a plant, which my cat later ate. Is that old person motorized chair actually called a "jazzy"? or am I just hearing it wrong? and can those things actually be stylish? Have I asked this question before? I understand that you yawn because of a lack of oxygen, but do you breath less when you are sleepy? and why are they contagious? I think I missed some important lessons on the female anatomy, but I will save those questions for an all female audience. Plus, I don't want to look stupid if it's one of those things that everybody knows. I'll ask Bobbi...she seems to know everything about that. I'm on a new birth control...I hope my hair doesn't fall out again. The last bald patch was in a place that i could cover up, but I am afraid this one might be right in the middle of my head. I'm taking vitamins to prevent it, but the fear is still there. It sounds like someone is crying in my wall. It might just be my neighbors bed springs....good for them. bastards. I was under the assumption that everyone in the world knew the song "you got what I need" but apparently I was wrong. Juliana looked at me like I was crazy when i started to sing along to a commercial that it's on. She looked at me the same way the first time I serenaded her with "strokin". "stroke it Clarence Carter, but don't stroke so fast, if my shit ain't tight enough you can stick it up my...WHEW!" If i knew life was going to be this exciting, I would have bought a helmet. A foamy hot pink one. I should shower before class. This girl told me that i don't respect myself because i don't shower everyday. Apparently, having 3 kids before the age of 20 gives you the right to teach others about respect. As a special thank you, I explained to her the purpose of birth control. Today is my last chance to see the beautiful boy that sits outside of my class. I hope I never hear him speak. It would most likely ruin the illusion. Oh, and I would never actually tell anyone that they are perfect. It would just be a lie. ok time to shower. | | Wednesday, January 28th, 2004 | | 7:43 am |
Well, it's been a while. Hmm...I can't say that much has been happening in my life. In fact, nothing has really been happening in my life. I go to class on tuesdays and thursdays and other than that, I can't say that i do much. I sit in my house and focus on the little moments in life when i fucked things up. I don't feel like making a list for people being that I think they are personal moments. Moving on... I think it's weird that when I remember great nights, or just certain nights in general, i can always remember what i was wearing. In fact, that's where the memory starts for me. I mean, it only goes back so far, I don't always remember what i was wearing when i was in high school or whatnot, but i can make an educated guess and say my white sweater. If we want to go back earlier I will throw in a peace sign necklace with an eye in the middle. This was going somewhere when i started writing it, now it just seems stupid. I need to take better care of myself. I don't even feel like a girl anymore. I want to wear a skirt and do my hair and feel like I did it for something. I miss my knee-high boots. It needs to warm up outside, or at least not be icy. After Rachel's graduation I have been terrified of falling. Anyhow, this is just getting lamer and lamer, so I am going to bed. blah...tell me about plans this weekend, are there any? I want to leave my house again. | | Sunday, December 14th, 2003 | | 1:36 am |
I know I'm alive, but I can't feel it.
Let's see. I work all the fucking time. I'm tired all the fucking time. I don't have a life anymore, because i work and come home and go to bed. It's sad knowing that you are eating, sleeping, and breathing a place that you can't stand. I have a few bright spots in my day...random customers singing to me, talking to people that know/are related to famous people, people telling me stories about their trips around the world, talking to 40 year old women about their experiences with giving birth, bitching about the human population, and knowing that i will have money to buy christmas presents with. I did talk to a man that actually knows my family down south. He promised he would tell them he talked to me, and that I said hi and whatnot. I NEED to go to north carolina, I miss them all so much. I think my brother is coming home from florida around christmas, and that makes me happy. I never really liked him very much going up, because he was never around, and I have vince who is always around, so I didn't feel like David was much of a brother. But, now that we are older and he takes my side in arguments all the time and whatnot, I think I like him more. I just wish I could see my nieces. I have 2. Stephanie is probably 18 now, and Jessica is probably 16...god I feel old. Anyhow, I am going to be my old lady self and go to bed. yeah. I had more to write about yesterday, insightful things, thoughts about life and religion and all that is real, but they are lost on me now. |
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